" I felt insecure inside and outside because people said that i was fat & because i'm fat i'm ugly and i felt the same way . "

` R a c h e l l e   ` 

                             I S  M E . 

  

This year i'm officially thirteen ~ swee ah you mei you ! >,< 

I'm borned on 20 february 2001  .

I'm a pisces. ( you can search google for more informations ) 

I'm sharing with you guys about my experience being a fat pig :x. 

Okay so here's a picture of the comparisons for my fat legs la. 

AS YOU CAN SEE,

(2013'12 to 2014'03)

I was 68kg when i was in my P6's which is 2013 , 

I was really really fat during 2010 to 2013 because nobody told me to control my diet,

my parents dont give a damn about me anyway ._. so i just kept on eating 

and eating without noticing i've became fatter and fatter till people started

calling me " ah pui , fat pig , fei zhu " etcs.

I dont really care at their comments at first because my boyfriend said

"you're beautiful even when you're fat, dont mind what others say,

they will keep on saying since it's their mouth you can't stop them too anyway so why bother? "

 i'm touched because nobody said that to me before only "him" .

                                                                    But as soon as we broke up after the long term relationship, 

nobody talked to me , console me etcs .  Those people that mocked me because i was fat etcs, continued  mocking at  me and i started getting depressed as  my best friend got stolen away from another , my boyfriend broke me up and ran away with another girl and i was fat & ugly. i'm really insecure, who can help me? I'm dying inside. i cried every night missing him, thinking about my friend getting stolen away from another and going to school the next day getting mocked at. 

Everyday after school, this is me.

                                                       i will lock myself in the room thinking or rather reflecting about negative comments people said about me, going online " twitter " post about how sad i'm and reading all those sad                                                                 quotes to make myself feel better. I just hate this world, it's just so judgemental ,  :( every guys just love pretty girls, i mean who dont? .... Why do people have to give negative comments on how others look? Just because they are pretty // handsomes etcs, so this gives you guys the right to judge? Have you even been on to the person's shoe? You guys just think about yourselfs , SELFISH is the word to describe assholes like you guys that judge people. Okay back to topic, The routine of me getting emotional all day and long just keeps on going. 

                                  

  `  NOBODY CARED. `  

                 i started hurting myself by cutting myself on the wrists, it is called the " self harm" i used to think that people who cut their wrist are STUPID because i was not in their shoe previously till i landed on their shoe, i started thinking another way round. It really do hurts, but the pain in you hurts more than how your wrist hurts. 
Day by day , my life is getting worser and worser.
what to do ? I dont know.  i only know i'm ALONE, i'm hurt, i'm leftout. 
                                                                                                          everything just dont seem right.

yeah i went left, i started going " Online " more often than i  go " Offline" i started dating guys online etcs,
april 2013 after breaking up not long, i started knowing more and more people and " elder " aged around 14-18 ? They thought me alot although its on online , of cause not those horny stuff la , there will also be horny assholes online LOL, but i dont really give a damn maybe sometimes if i do, i will only make fun or so call " disiao " them la ,  those seniors experienced more than i do so i told them about my life etcs, theres also girl seniors la , :)) they talked to me on the phone etcs or skypes. My life became more positive , i'm glad . 
             thanks to them  , although we dont contact each other now but i love you guys alot.

            BUT after keep on going " ONLINE" i becamed bored because my life is just ONLINE,
                                                                              i dont want this kind of life.
I started going to visit my adviser in school uh ( counsellor) she taught me alot too,

she said,
when you're feeling lonely,  dont listen to emo songs as it will make you more miserable (true) listen to happy songs or watch funny shows to forget all the unhappy moments & dont be insecured because you're fat dont worry and buck up on your studies.
Remember,
                                                     " Every girl  is beautiful it includes YOU. " 
The world is judgemental is not because people judging you , it's the way how you look at the world.
                                                                                                       this happy routine i continued till  OCTOBER'13 , my PSLE ended and i became kinda sad  that my friends will be going to a different secondary school but idgaf tho, LOLS cause there are still assholes in the school that i dont like.
But the past is the past ;) .
                                   

After i came back from my 6A1'13 Graduation camp, it is  almost holiday already i started during DECEMBER, and for 3months i slimmed quite alot though, and now when i say i'm fat i got scolded -_- , There are days where i continued eating like dinosaurs and days where i eat like a ant. :x I feel quite stupid for cutting thinking back, why do we even give a shit on how people look on us ? Perhaps its normal for girls :)  As long as we're comfortable, 0shitsisgiven to people who isn't comfortable with us.
& people out there who are alone and insecured you are not alone.

if you really hate people saying you fat, try to slim down. Prove to those idiots out there that keeps on judging and mocking at you they are wrong, you're pretty.

Lastly ,
every girl is beautiful.

rachelle
signing off,